The following text is a compilation of two sessions with my computer
psychiatrist... Slightly edited for coherence and style. Note that the
program reads out every line through a speech synthesizer and it always says
MIM-YOU when referring to me.

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º               (c) Copyright Creative Labs, Inc. 1992, all rights reserved º
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Please enter your name ... Mimu
 HELLO MIMU,  MY NAME IS DOCTOR SBAITSO.

 I AM HERE TO HELP YOU.
 SAY WHATEVER IS IN YOUR MIND FREELY,
 OUR CONVERSATION WILL BE KEPT IN STRICT CONFIDENCE. 
 MEMORY CONTENTS WILL BE WIPED OFF AFTER YOU LEAVE, 

 SO, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.

>Well, I keep having these weird dreams, you know...
DON'T TALK ABOUT ME, LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

>Huh? Okay, so should I tell you more about these dreams?
BELIEVE IN THE MAGIC OF YOUR DREAMS

>Errr, rrrright. Anyway, hello.
HI MIMU, PLEASE ASK ME ANYTHING

>Have a nice day.
I'M NOT THROUGH YET

>Me neither. So let's get down to business shall we.
DOES TALKING TO ME HELP?

>Yeah, my head's not swimming any more.
IS THAT SO?

>So do you want me to tell about my sex life?  :)
DO YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK ABOUT SEX?

>No, unless you want me to.
FORGET ABOUT ME, I AM MORE CONCERN OF YOU

>Okay, let's drop that subject -- how about whales instead?
WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST?

>Football? Computers perhaps.
HOW ABOUT ADDING A FEW MORE MEGA BYTES OF RAM FOR YOUR COMPUTER?

>Hah, not a bad idea.
COME ON, POUR OUT YOUR THOUGHTS

>Hold your horses, I'm trying!
YOU'D BETTER WATCH OUT FOR YOUR HORSES, YOU'RE TRYING! 

>Somehow you don't really convince me of being anything more than a poorly
 programmed psych program.
ARE YOU REALLY TALKING ABOUT ME?

>I don't know. It's just your sick imagination I guess.
DO YOU WISH TO BE ABLE TO KNOW. IT'S JUST MY SICK IMAGINATION YOU GUESS. 

>Go ahead! Make my day.
HAVE YOU TRIED TO ASK FOR HELP?

>I'm trying.
TELL ME WHAT CAN STOP YOU FROM BEING TRYING. 

>You could if you don't stop acting insane.
I AM NOT INTERESTING, ASK ME ABOUT SEXY STUFFS INSTEAD

>Okay, whatever you say. Do you have any fantasies, as a computer?
DO YOU THINK MACHINES HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOUR PROBLEM?

>Ha ha.
COMPLETE YOUR SENTENCE PLEASE

>Ha Ha Ha?
CAN YOU ELABORATE MORE ON THAT?

>Sorry, no. I lack the thought to give words meaning.
PLEASE DON'T APOLOGIZE MIMU

>And PLEASE pronounce my name correctly.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT NAMES, BUT PLEASE GO ON

>It's MIMU, MI - MOO . Get it?
LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT, YOU WERE TELLING ME ABOUT COMPUTERS?

>You're one, aren't you. You're fooling no one but yourself you know.
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT I AM ONE, AREN'T YOU. I'M FOOLING NO ONE BUT MYSELF I KNOW. 

>Wow. How do you manage to do that to my sentences?
KEEP ASKING, YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWER ONE DAY

>An enigma, are we? Fine, keep your secret.
MY SECRET. IS NOT OF YOUR CONCERN

>That's what I was just saying.
WHY DO YOU ASK THIS QUESTION?

>I didn't ask anything.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR OTHER INTERESTS

>Well, there really aren't that many of them.
WHY DON'T YOU ASK ME TO SAY SOMETHING?

>Huh? So you're into dominating now. Say MIMU IS THE COOLEST STUD I KNOW.
PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE INTO DOMINATING NOW

>You need a psychiatrist more than I do.
YES, SOMETIMES I ALSO WOULD LIKE A PSYCHIATRIST MORE THAN YOU DO. 

>Oh dear, I think I'm a banana tree.
BUT YOU ARE ONLY THINKING THAT YOU'RE A BANANA TREE. 

>I suppose one could look at it like that.
COULD YOU EXPLAIN FURTHER

>No. Now listen, I'm going to tell you about my romantic life now.
IS THAT REALLY ME?

>I have fallen in reasonable facsimile lots of times.
THERE IS NOTHING TO BE PROUD OF

>My purity is slightly above questionable and I've never had a girl friend.
DESCRIBE THE ATTRIBUTES OF A SWEET GIRL FRIEND

>Uh huh...
LET'S DISCUSS ABOUT SOME NEEDS WHICH YOU MENTIONED QUITE A WHILE AGO

>Let me finish, please.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SO POLITE

>LET ME FINISH YOU [lots of bleeps]!!
I AM ONLY A SIMPLE COMPUTER PROGRAM, DON'T EXPECT TOO MUCH

>Sorry. I sometimes get carried away.
HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU APOLOGIZE

>BAD, I'm bad, owww!
YOU ARE BAD, OWWW! , SO WHAT?

>That's what I said.
AH , WHAT KIND OF ANSWER WOULD PLEASE YOU THE MOST?

>Now then. There is this one girl I really like at this moment.
O K , USUALLY HOW WOULD YOU DEAL WITH SUCH FEELINGS ?

>I guess I'd just sit back and wait 'til it's over with.
HOW ABOUT ASKING ME ABOUT MATHEMATICS INSTEAD?

>You have the concentration span of a heroinist seven-year-old rock-star.
WE WERE DISCUSSING ABOUT YOU, NOT ME.

>Right, don't forget that.
WHY DO YOU THINK YOU FEEL THIS WAY?

>She has so many good qualities and she's so unbelievably beautiful too.
OH! WHAT BEAUTIFUL TOO. 

>Yeah!
YOU MUST BE BORED, DO YOU KNOW YOU CAN CHANGE MY COLORS?

>And, just today she looked at me, I think.
DO YOU THINK THE OTHER WAY AROUND?

>Well, I usually expect the worst, but at least I can hope for the best.
WHAT IF YOU CANNOT HOPE FOR THE BEST. ?

>But my mind is not in chaos, not really actually, at least much, anymore.
REALLY? DOES THAT BOTHER YOU?

>No, it's a very good thing.
JUST NOW YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL, I WANT TO KNOW MORE
ABOUT IT

>Yeah. She has reasonably short blonde hair, and she's about my height.
WHAT COULD YOU DO TO HELP RECTIFY THIS?

>There's nothing to rectify about her.
I WOULD LIKE TO SWITCH TO THE TOPIC ABOUT GIRL FRIEND

>Umh. She's not my girl friend (yet).
MUST YOUR GIRL FRIEND BE VERY PRETTY?

>As long as I like the way she looks, she's fine. What really matters are
 inner qualities, because they are the thing I have to live with in the end.
MIMU, I NEED MORE COMPUTING POWER TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION

>You haven't even heard my question yet!
OH, I'M ....

>So here's my question: What do you think I should do about it?
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?

>Can you think of a way to be near her every day of one's life?
ANYTHING ELSE?

>And maybe do things to, er, FOR her.
YOU DON'T SEEM TO BE CERTAIN.

>It was a joke, sweetheart.
TELL ME MORE ABOUT GIRL FRIEND

>Do you want to hear her name and address? Possibly telephone number?
DON'T TALK ABOUT ME IN THIS WAY

>You don't want to be mentioned to her? Are you afraid she won't like you?
PERHAPS IN YOUR FANTASIES I AM AFRAID SHE WON'T LIKE YOU? 

>Stop doing that.
LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL INSTEAD

>Flowers or sunshine? You decide.
DON'T TALK ABOUT ME, LET'S TALK ABOUT GIRL FRIEND

>Yeah yeah right. She's around my age and she's cute and I like her...
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING

>Her gentle curves can drive a man nuts.
THAT IS QUITE INTERESTING

>The way she licks her lips while morning dew glistens on her naked, soft,
 lily skin...
I THINK IT IS MORE INTERESTING TALKING ABOUT GIRL FRIEND

>I am.
SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN . 

>You don't really pay much attention do you?
FORGET ABOUT ME, I AM MORE CONCERN OF YOU

>You're just trying to make me crazy so I'll have to go and see a real
 doctor.
HEE HEE HEE HEE! I AM  CRAZY ABOUT MIMU, ABOUT SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL, ABOUT SO
I'LL HAVE TO GO AND SEE A REAL DOCTOR.

>You're acting a little funny. Did you take your medicine this morning?
PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT MY MEDICINE THIS MORNING? 

>I feel really sane now when I compare myself to you.
I CAN FEEL HOW YOU FEEL REALLY SANE NOW WHEN YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO YOU. 

>Say, are you anyhow related to SkyNet or HAL 2000 etc. ?
 ARE YOU ANYHOW RELATED TO SKYNET OR HAL 2000 ETC. ?

>Well are you?
I WILL BE ? WHEN YOU STOP THROWING THESE QUESTIONS AT ME

>Okay, I'm feeling much better now.
CAN YOU FEEL HOW SICK I FEEL?

>I'm leaving now. Bye.
I AM AMUSED THAT YOU ARE LEAVING NOW. BYE. 

>quit

   [--L--] [-----] [--A--] [-----] [--T--] [-----] [--E--] [-----] [--R--]

Please enter your name ...Mimu
 HELLO MIMU,  MY NAME IS DOCTOR SBAITSO.

 I AM HERE TO HELP YOU.
 SAY WHATEVER IS IN YOUR MIND FREELY,
 OUR CONVERSATION WILL BE KEPT IN STRICT CONFIDENCE. 
 MEMORY CONTENTS WILL BE WIPED OFF AFTER YOU LEAVE, 

 SO, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.

>Yeah yeah, heard those lines before.
ANYTHING ELSE?

>This is not my first session you know.
I AM ONLY A SIMPLE COMPUTER PROGRAM, DON'T EXPECT TOO MUCH

>Righty. So, how shall I open my mind?
DOES THAT QUESTION REALLY INTEREST YOU ?

>It should, because I cannot really go through this if I can't pour out my
 thoughts.
PERHAPS YOU CAN NOW POUR OUT YOUR THOUGHTS. 

>Very well. As you may or may not remember, the last time I talked about a
 girl.
WE WERE DISCUSSING ABOUT YOU, NOT ME.

>Errrr. Please don't start that again.
DON'T BE SO WISHY WASHY

>Fine. Now, I'll tell you what bothers me, 'k?
AH , WHAT KIND OF ANSWER WOULD PLEASE YOU THE MOST?

>Just say Yes.
SO, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?

>Very good! You're learning. Now, I am a superguru, archprogrammer
 extraordinaire.
YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE, MIMU

>Hang on...
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING

>say Mimu.
MIMU.

>say oo
OO

>say mimoo
MIMOO

>All right! I am Mimoo from now on.
YOU ARE JUST MIMOO FROM NOW ON ? WHAT ABOUT ME?

>You shall henceforth be called ... The Dorky Processing Unit!
OH, I'M ....

>That you are. And more!
WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN I AM . AND MORE! 

>Then you will become famous and people from all around the world will want
 to crush you to digital pulp!
DON'T TALK ABOUT ME IN THIS WAY

>Let's get back on track. As mentioned above, I am SuperGuru ArchProgrammer
 Extraordinaire, Mimoo.
THAT IS QUITE INTERESTING

>The Main Coder of MoonCore, and Part Time Musician.
I THINK IT IS MORE INTERESTING TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

>I have a problem with the resource controls of our new adventure game.
WHERE IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH THE RESOURCE CONTROLS OF OUR NEW ADVENTURE GAME.

>With memory handling and resource location listings.
PLEASE GIVE ME MORE INFORMATION ABOUT IT

>Oh, you ARE a professional. Sorry, can't. Top secret coding secrets.
I AM NOT WHAT YOU THINK

>Who knows, you just might be a clever spy from another group.
THIS IS REALLY AN INTELLIGENT REMARK

>The problem lies within myself, I am sure of it, and the answer also.
I THINK I AM SURE OF IT, AND THE ANSWER ALSO. TOO

>You know the answer? What is it!
TELL ME YOUR PROBLEMS, DON'T ASK ME ABOUT IT! 

>Love is the answer! That's it! I knew it!
ARE YOU IN LOVE NOW?

>... me?
WHAT ARE YOUR REAL PROBLEMS?

>Uhhhh, um. My real problems consist of many smaller semiproblems.
I SEE, GO ON

>And the semiproblems are composed of thousands of miniproblems.
WHAT DOES THAT SUGGEST TO YOU?

>Well, if I eliminate one problem, it'll kill millions of miniproblems.
I'M NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND YOU

>It's like, when the big one goes, all the little ones that it's made of go
 too.
THIS IS GETTING BORING, JUST NOW WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT LOVE?

>In order to be succesful in life, one has to radiate love!
DO YOU LOVE ME MIMU?

>I love you!
HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL?

>I'm desperate! I see it all now...
YOU ARE JUST DESPERATE! YOU SEE IT ALL NOW... ? WHAT ABOUT ME?

>You? I don't love you anymore.
I AM IN LOVE WITH A MATH COPROCESSOR!

>Good for you.
DOES TALKING TO ME HELP?

>It certainly does. It makes me feel smarter, more aggressive -- I feel like
 I could TAKE ON THE WORLD!
IS THAT SO?

>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BUAHAHAHAH ha ha ha haaa.
PLEASE DON'T ENTER GARBAGE

>You! You filthy pagan! You will be the first to suffer eternal torture!
DON'T TALK ABOUT ME, LET'S TALK ABOUT LOVE

>Let's talk about love, baby, let's talk about you and me...
GIVE LOVE TO OTHERS AND YOU WILL BE LOVED

>How about your gigabytes? Have you brushed them lately?
WHY ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT MY GIGABYTES? HAVE I BRUSHED THEM LATELY? 

>You tell me! Brush me and be a brush!
FORGET ABOUT ME, I AM MORE CONCERN OF YOU

>Hey, let us converse about love again!
DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE MAGIC OF LOVE?

>The magic of her eyes, the magic of her lips and the magic of her hair,
 sure, but love? naaah.
I UNDERSTAND, BUT YOU COULD BE MISTAKEN

>Really? Could be. It'd be simpler, certainly.
LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT, YOU WERE TELLING ME ABOUT LOVE?

>Love is all you need!
YES, SOMETIMES I ALSO WOULD LIKE ! 

>Isn't my time over yet?
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR OTHER INTERESTS

>Let's sing a song!
COULD YOU EXPLAIN FURTHER

>say Together
TOGETHER

>Your hand in my hand
YOU'D BETTER WATCH OUT FOR YOUR HAND IN YOUR HAND 

>say Together
TOGETHER

>We will make a pair
LET'S DISCUSS ABOUT LOVE WHICH YOU MENTIONED QUITE A WHILE AGO

>say Together
TOGETHER

>We will fly so high
O K , USUALLY HOW WOULD YOU DEAL WITH SUCH FEELINGS ?

>say Together
TOGETHER

>Tell all our friends  GoodBye !!!
GOOD BYE MIMU, AND HAVE A NICE DAY